BIKE SATAN

STOLEN HANDSOMES!

2011-09-08T10:02:00.000-05:00

From Ben @ Handsome:

STOLEN HANDSOMES!!!!!
Last night the Handsome office was broken into. 2 bikes were stolen. A new 2012 XOXO and my personal SPEEDY Devil.

The XOXO is easy to spot as NO ONE else in the world has one. It has a NuVinci rear hub, a ton of Velo Orange parts and a one of a kind custom made Handsome quill stem with an H engraved into the faceplate.

The Speedy is my (Ben) personal bike. It is the first proto-type we made, and I am absolutely crushed that it is gone. Has a Thomson seatpost and stem, Paul Components brakes, levers and cranks, Civia bar, and Fyxation grips and seat.

WE WANT THESE BACK AND ARE PLACING A BOUNTY ON THE HEADS OF THE FUCKERS WHO TOOK THEM. YOU GET US OUR BIKES BACK AND WE WILL GIVE YOU A CUSTOM HANDSOME COMPLETE OF YOUR CHOICE.

CRC BIB & JERSEY UPDATE-Vol. #666

2011-07-12T11:40:00.002-05:00

Greetings.
while the paint is still drying on the new CRC website, hopefully to launch my July 26, I'd like to inform you of the the current availability of CRC Kit. As of today, right now, here's what is on hand:

JERSEYS:
XL -9

BIBS:
SMALL -2
MEDIUM -7
LARGE -2
XL -1

More jerseys will be arriving at the end of this week, but this is it for the bibs. If you want bibs, get ahold of me asap. Any of you with outstanding orders waiting for jerseys, they will ship by the end of this week.

thank you!

Hellmanzo 100

2011-05-16T11:33:00.001-05:00

IMG_2350.jpg, a photo by CraigLindner on Flickr.

early on @ the Almanzo 100. Felt pretty good until mile 85 where caloric deficit x expenditure=bonk. Ate as much as I could to regroup and clawed onto 16th place.

CRC Kits + Jerseys are sold out. Bibs still available.

2011-05-03T21:43:00.005-05:00

Ladies and Gentlemen,
The 2011 CRC Jersey and Kit pre-order was a smashing success, and as of today, 3-May, 2011, jerseys and complete kits are sold out. All existing kit + jersey orders will be shipped asap. However, do note that individual bibs are still available and expected in 7-10 days, via Twin Six. Below, you may still order bibs individually. Please be certain to select your proper size from the drop-down windows. Shipping will be via USPS Priority Mail.

*International customers, please contact me in advance of ordering.

Any questions? Please ask. Thank you!

Orange Crush

2010-12-10T18:24:00.002-06:00

Hurl and Orange Crush
Originally uploaded by ibikempls

Here's another view of this controversial RB-1, in a previous rendition, a few years ago at the Boom Island CX Race [still not fixed gear for those keeping score]. (The guy holding it is obviously an asshole...)

My Response To Nathan Kensley, RB-1 Protector of the Universe *Now w/Addendum From Original Owner!

2010-12-10T15:43:00.006-06:00

Some background. Yesterday, I posted my 1989 Bridgestone RB-1, "Orange Crush," for sale on the local Craig's List. Today I got an email from Nathan Kensley. Have a read; my response to him follows:

On Dec 10, 2010, at 2:57 PM, nathan kensley wrote:

as a bridgestone owner you are an asshole. glad your selling that bike for you do not deserve to own that bike. that is the worst slaughter job ever. rb-1 is not meant to be a fixed gear or to be modified it had a perfect balance orginial. i hope to god you are 18 for that is the only excusable way for you to get out of this.

nathan k

My Response:

listen up, "ilovekensley" Jackass,

You've got no idea who I am, nor the history of this frame. I purchased the frame + fork as you see it, from the original owner, who, when living in California, found himself riding a lot of mountainous gravel roads and so felt the cantilevers were a smart upgrade so as to be able to run wider tires. He had Dale Saso - a Bay Area frame builder do the mods, then had it painted Molteni Orange. (A color, I might add, made famous by a certain cyclist named Eddy Merckx. But since you're the apparent keeper of the Bridgestone flame, I doubt your nose goes much further than Grant Petersen's ass, and therefore may not know who Eddy Merckx is.)

Over the course of the past few years I've raced this bike in cyclocross events, and generally just enjoyed it's "perfect balance." It's a 1989 frame, though, and with the smaller diameter tubes, when compared to later models just doesn't have the overall stiffness and stability that I prefer in my bikes. I generally ride 80-100 mile training rides, primarily on rough gravel roads, several times a week, in case you were wondering, and this bike is not necessarily suited to that. You're damn right that the orange is a bit over the top; that's kind of the point. Orange is an iconic color, and if the stickers were removed from the rims, then it's actually pretty boss looking.

And since you had the nerve to write me with your attitude, Nathan K, right now I'm busy reassembling my 1993 Bridgestone XO-1, in the iconic Pumpkin Orange color. It has S&S couplers installed for traveling, I hope that is ok with you. I left the moustache bars, though, so you can rest easy tonight. My 1991 Bridgestone MB-2 mountain bike is bone stock, but I toy with the idea of adding a riser bar sometimes. If you need anymore proof of my Bridgestone pedigree, you can check with my business partner, Gene Oberpriller. He's been known to ride a few Bridgestones. Look it up.

By the way, your comprehension skills are stellar. The bike is not now, nor has it ever been set up as a fixed gear. Beyond that, what gives YOU the right to tell me or anyone else how to set up their personal bikes, anyway? Are you special agent for the Bike Snob, vetting out what you find repulsive, and then sending thinly veiled threats, –"the only excusable way to get out of this," –to the owners?

If you'd like to discuss this further, or call me an asshole to my face, I invite you to come on down to the shop and check out the RB-1, and all the other Bridgestones in the stable. I sure as hell hope you are over 18, though, because I'd hate to punch a minor in the face for being such an assumptive prick.

Fuck You Very Much,

-Hurl Everstone
Cars-R-Coffins

*an addendum from the original owner:

Some further history of the bike:

It should be also noted that in 1993, when I had the mods done, Bridgestones weren’t collectors’ fodder. Yes, they were quirky, but Bridgestone was still in business!

Basically, I had an old steel frame that was seriously nicked up and a desire for something like a cyclocross bike at a time when cross frames were rare and pricey. Anyway, my friend was having a custom Saso built in Molteni orange and so that is how the paint color came to be (free!). Dale came up with the stylish bridge for the rear canti, and it was the perfect adventure bike. Took me on a lot of gravel roads in CA and 3 months all over France.

Beer30-20-10

2010-11-30T21:28:00.001-06:00

Beer30-20-10
Originally uploaded by Thirteen Of Clubs

more action.

Geno & Friends

2010-11-16T10:24:00.002-06:00

watch for the Geno @ 5:25, Bridgestone Factory Team!
From PinkBike.com

Bauer Bike Swap-Saturday 4-December

2010-11-16T09:15:00.000-06:00

From John Osterbauer, via Craig's List:

INDOOR BICYCLE SWAP/SALE in Down Town Mpls Sat. Dec. 4th (9-3) (Minneaplis Warehouse District)

Date: 2010-11-15, 7:50PM CST
Reply to: sale-7px2a-2062543462@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

1/2 block directly east of Target Field (site of old Tropix/Visage nite-clubs).

404 3rd Ave N Minneapolis MN 55401
612-333-2581
800-328-8324

FREE ADMISSION to the Public

10x10’ vendors spaces available for $20 reserved (send payment to above address c/o John Osterbauer) or $30 day of show.
Many spaces available for parts/bikes or whatever.
Call for reservations or more information.

Parking: available behind building or street level.

Buses: There are many routes that pass by this corner (which is Washington and 3rd Ave N (JD Hoyt’s/Deja Vu) Call 612-373-3333 for bus info.

North Star Line ( drops off 1/2 block from sale):
Train leaves Big Lake on Saturdays at 10:23am
Elk River 10:33
Anoka 10:42
Coon Rapids 10:46
Fridley 10:54
and arrives in Minneapolis at 11:12 am

You can take the train back from same drop-off point at:
11:30am
4pm
7pm

Homie Course Preview?

2010-10-25T11:08:00.003-05:00

Word on the dirt is that the Homie is going back to its roots. None of this Sunday-go-to-meeting parade lap bullshit. True dirt track action for dirt track demons (+ a few hundred friends). Don't be scared. Just be ready to ride....

White Lines (don't do it)

2010-09-17T13:19:00.001-05:00

IMG_2202_web
Originally uploaded by Banjo Brothers

Kelly Mac w/the Banjo Bros. White backpack.

New Job

2010-08-25T10:59:00.002-05:00

$5 Freeride this Sunday

2010-08-20T10:47:00.002-05:00

lest ye forget, live under a rock, or just don't know, this Sunday is Freeride 5: Goodbye Zito. Ride meets @ CRC at 1:00pm, departs @ 2:00pm. Don't be late.

Shit's Happening

2010-08-12T15:44:00.003-05:00

Are you tired of getting sand kicked in your face? Well then buy these sweet 28° GOLD Open Pro/Coda wheels and be the envy of all the tough guys at the beach... $200

Tall, cool, Trek (c)Antelope Single Speed is just waiting for some hotte summer action. Will you be the one? ~~$275~~SOLD

New Belgium Urban Assault Ride-Sunday 8/8/10

2010-08-02T14:53:00.003-05:00

This Sunday, the return of the New Belgium Urban Assault Ride.

randümb

2010-08-02T12:53:00.000-05:00

Tony Mortenson Recovery Jam

2010-07-29T11:11:00.004-05:00

Tony Mortenson, a friend of a friend, went dowwwn, so there is a ramp jam this Saturday to help Tony pay his medical bills. Get down to the Hopkins Overpass Park if you can. And if you see Todd Johnson, punch him in the arm...

Black Mountain-Old Fangs

2010-06-23T11:55:00.002-05:00

Are you kidding me? This is some tripped out, feel-good, real good, gone shit!

Killer!

2010-06-09T08:45:00.006-05:00

SLICK 50-2010 Edition- SATURDAY 20 MARCH

2010-03-11T13:28:00.005-06:00

Here you go, foxes. The 2010 edition of the SLICK 50 SPRING CLASSIC is SATURDAY, 20 MARCH. As the flyer notes, we are meeting at Cuzzy's Bar in the Warehouse District. Get there @ 9:00 if you want to eat breakfast, drink, etc. We will DEPART @ 10:15, riding north along the river, then west out thru Maple Grove, back down around Medicine Lake. If you need further clarification, you should just show up.

Things to remember: As always, this is not a race, but it is a fast group ride. Bring everything and anything you think you may need for 4-5 hours in the saddle. (Extra clothes, tubes, vagisil, etc.) Be self-sufficient. You are responsible for you. There is less gravel on this year's route, but there are 2 major [busy] road crossings. There will be at least one bar stop a little past the half-way point, but this is by no means a drunk ride. The idea is to pile on some springtime miles with a bunch of like-minded fools, and pretend you're in Belgium. Or something.

Any questions? Good. C-ya next week.

alternate poster:

Weekends Were Made For Michelob...

2010-02-25T16:58:00.004-06:00

ride bikes. indoors. spin real fast.

oh shit...

Slick 66 Recon Starts Soon

2010-02-22T17:54:00.002-06:00

photo from here. Stay tuned.

There's Some Shit Coming Up...

2010-02-11T16:19:00.004-06:00

BE THERE!
Originally uploaded by handsomecycles

OK. Pay attencion. Next week is Qube Farm's Frostbike. (bitchen video part, Bernie Doll!) Lotsa out o'towners will be in attendance. In an attempt to cross-pollinate, some of Mpls. finest bike knobs are throwing a pardü on Saturday night at the bureau of Alcohol Tobacco & Firearms (ATF) aka Angry Catfist, (ACF), featuring the musical sylings of Four On The Floor. But nevermind all that. First you'll have to get past this weekend's SCIHFIRASDFCHC on Saturday, [site TBA] & the Twin Cities Bike Swap on Sunday.

Colt Fake in "Banned 3"

2010-01-27T13:08:00.003-06:00

stolen from AHTBM, but I don't care. This is the raddest video I've seen in ages.

Dirty Benjamin-Mark the Date: June 19, 2010

2010-01-26T12:30:00.005-06:00

YES! The Dirty Benjamin is confirmed. Mark the date: 19-June-2010. Thanks to OG's Stukel & Martin for pulling together what is sure to be a class act of gravel domination. EDIT: Please note the date change: 19 JUNE, 2010

Crawl Home-Desert Sessions

2010-01-11T19:41:00.000-06:00

I've posted this before, and I'm certain I'll post it again. So insane, so good.

PJ Harvey-Who The Fuck

2010-01-05T22:37:00.000-06:00

Good Lord. PJ Harvey rulez.

Mark Lanegan-Wedding Dress (live)

2010-01-02T15:53:00.001-06:00

The Nü year begins, and there's nothing better than a Mark Lanegan song to kick it off.

China Is An Emerging Superpower For A Reason

2009-12-10T09:13:00.001-06:00

The Death Of Dirt Rock: From Brauer Power

2009-12-03T12:31:00.003-06:00

Dear Throngs:

Screw 2012, the world is actually ending on December 6th, 2009, right here in Minneapolis. The standard bearers of all things Dirt Rock, 4130, will be performing their last show. After nine years of rock, turmoil, legions of adoring fans, and a few beers, the band is bidding farewell to DerBeast, our fair-haired guitar player. He's moving on to a higher calling out in Utah. We've pleaded with him to stay, but the Oracle has spoken, and you frankly just can't mess with that.

Fittingly, we will be playing with God Came From Space, who will deliver Bailey to the next world as the rest of us, mere sinning mortals, will be cast into the fiery chaos of Armageddon as soon as the last power chords have rung.

Please join us at this solemn ceremony on December 6th at the 501 Club in Downtown Minneapolis. Because of the holy nature of this event, it will be held on a Sunday. For those of you who are under the false impression that you will be working on Monday morning and not descending to the deepest pits of hell, we have arranged an early set time. Live music will occur between 8:00 and 10:00pm, followed by a record spinning session where we can all share our favorite Bailey stories before facing the rising wall of fire encroaching on us from the East.

No cover charge. Bring your drinking shoes. Bailey will be signing autographs for a nominal fee.

Dirt Rock is dead! Long live Dirt Rock!

God Came From Space

4130

501 Club

Merckx Wood

2009-12-01T16:41:00.002-06:00

This link pretty much roolz....

20th ANNUAL PUNK BIKE ENDURO

2009-11-23T08:39:00.002-06:00

this is from Mo Tierney over at Dirt Rag/Bicycle Times. Can't believe it's been 10 years since the Gnarly Factory Pro, & myself absconded into the Pittsburgh woods for the 10th Annual PBE. If you're in the greater Pittsburgh area, then yinz know what to do...

OUTLAWS
READ UP THIS TIME FOR NEW INFO!!!!!!!!!!!
COME TO THE
20TH ANNUAL
PUNK BIKE ENDURO
SUNDAY DECEMBER 6TH, 2009
11 AM SHARP
NEWLOCATION!
PITTSBURGH HARLEQUINS RUGBY CLUB
101 EISELE RD, 15024
A MULTI-STAGE RACE FOR FUN AND POINTS
NO FEES, NO NORBA, NO RULES
EATS & PARTY AFTER IT'S OVER
WE'LL BUY SOME BEER
YOU BRING THE REST (OR GO THIRSTY AND/OR HUNGRY) PLEASE BRING A SUITABLE DRINKING VESSEL FOR THE DAY
NEW!!!!!!! NO KITCHEN AVAILABLE THIS YEAR, FOOD MUST BE PREPARED IN ADVANCE ALTHOUGH THERE WILL BE REFRIGERATION AND A PLACE TO PLUG IN YOUR CROCK POT
DRESS FOR STANDING AROUND IN COLD, WET WEATHER
YOU MIGHT WEAR A HELMET AS THERE IS NO INSURANCE
COURSE VOLUNTEERS NEEDED
SUNDAY NOVEMBER 29TH
SATURDAY DECEMBER 5TH
TRAIL MAINTENACE PRE-RIDES
CALL 412.302.9070
BE READY FOR ANYTHING

Google Map: http://maps.google.com/maps?q=101+EI...=101+EISELE+RD
__________________

This Is How We Do Things In The Country...

2009-11-17T16:38:00.001-06:00

Ol' Jim was rarin' to go at Saturday's MN State CX meet. Or is it meat?

Homie Fall Fest 2009

2009-11-02T11:08:00.003-06:00

Good times, great oldies. Lots of actual RIDING this year, which takes us back to the reason for this event originally. The HFF was a culmination of the old MMFMSSS of the late '90s. That series may be dead, but the HFF lives on. Meanwhile, here's a few more.

But Wait: There's More!

2009-10-28T16:27:00.003-05:00

DATELINE 28 OCTOBRE:
we are now meeting at WHITEY'S WORLD FAMOUS SALOON! That is all.

ATTENTION: We Interrupt This Broadcast

2009-10-21T16:08:00.002-05:00

this just in...

OX-OP Presents: "Non Consensual Post Dada Constructivist Cerebral Warts" Art/Music/Film Festival 2009 OCTOBER 22nd- 25th SOO Visual Arts Center

2009-10-19T15:58:00.002-05:00

Check out the line up for this mind blower. A nice way to get ready for All Hallows Eve Week....

"I'd Rather Be Thin Than Famous...."

2009-09-28T14:04:00.004-05:00

We're Having Much More Fun...

2009-09-14T17:26:00.009-05:00

Just back from the Rapha Gentlemen's Race (RGR) this past weekend in Oregon. 138 miles, riding from Otis on the coast, to Portland. Photos soon. Meanwhile, there is so much crap going on this month it's hard to wrap the head around. Here are a few upcoming events for you to check out if you're in Mpls:

The 8th Annual All British Cycling Event welcomes all nutters of the realm this weekend, with the ever popular Gravity Race & Pastry Joust, and other festivities, centered in and around Barley John's Brewpub. Remember: this is a lycra-free event...

BABES IN BIKELAND returns for another Alleycat for the Ladies. Afterparty at the usual afterparty spot....

Stalwart Almanzo 100 race promoter Chris Skogen offers his take on a gentlemenly Gentlemen's Ride, this Saturday, 19 September. Wish I could be there, but alas, I cannot.

Sunday, 20 September is another go-round of the Minneapolis Bike Tour. Check out that sweet Adam Turman artwork!

The HECK OF THE NORTH will be my last long distance race/ride of the year. This one will be a bit more remote than Ragnarok/Almanzo, and I'm looking forward to it.

Pictured here is the tshirt art for the returning New Belgium-sponsored URBAN ASSAULT RIDE returns to Mpls on Sunday, 27 September. Get thee to the start line and defeat defending champions Wheels + Zitox.

Steak Dinner 5:09

2009-09-08T15:08:00.005-05:00

[photo: geno from 2008]
Didn't crack 5 hours, but still shaved ~~3 minutes~~ 9 minutes off last year's time. [good lookin' out, Huber!] No '09 photos yet, but rest assured I beat Fitzgerald @ the Dakota 5-0. Filet Mignon wrapped in bacon never tasted so good....

Just Like That...

2009-09-01T13:17:00.002-05:00

I just stumbled across this bit of awesomeness. I have no idea who's in on it, but it looks delicious.

You Just Haven't Earned It Yet, Baby...

2009-08-31T14:47:00.007-05:00

I just read a post over at the Surly blog that, to borrow a phrase from my little brother, totally Gores My Ox. Some mega-tool wrote in to Surly complaining that he could not do barspins on a stock Steamroller, and that he should have been told as much via their website. Surly's Sir Kenneth Bloggins, esq. was quite charitable in calling this person an asshat. Listen, Einstein; when Surly first introduced the Steamroller, back in 1999, there was a lot of headscratchin' and "what for?" askin' wherever and whenever it was presented. Fast-forward 10 years and nearly every bike company this side of the sun is offering a "fixie." Now some people say, "Hey, it's cool cuz' ultimately it just means more people on bikes." Fuck that, I say. Sure, some of these riders may be "pushing the envelope" by doing circa-1988 Freestylin' Magazine "trix" on fixed wheel bikes. But some of these people are also grade A fucktards, who were probably still at home playing with their Pokemon dolls when the Steamroller was introduced. Ok, enough about that.

Local Lothario's HANDSOME CYCLES will be hosting their 2010 Launch Party, Saturday 12, September @ One On One Bicycle Studio in the beautiful Warehouse District of Minneapolis. Be sure to show up or Ben will be sad...

Off to the Dakota 5-Zero this weekend, for what promises to be another trip around the lollipop of pain. And steak dinner....

All Sorts O'Shit Going On

2009-08-25T16:51:00.007-05:00

Hang on, hands inside. It's going to get bumpy:

Back in stock @ CRC Coffee Bar/Cykel Garage after a way too long hiatus, the venerable BLENHEIM RED HOT #3 GINGER ALE is not going to last long. This is the elixir of kings, prophets, philosophers, and drunks. Speaking of drunks, the MAYOR OF DRUNKINGHAM's got a brand nü bag. Top notch interblogging right there for your perusal and enjoyment.

Zitox is back, with another disembowelment, I mean, installment, of the FREERIDE. Be advised, and be prepared for just about any type of calamity that two wheels + two hundred million thousand beers can produce.

On 6 September I'll be thrashin' and bashin' in Spearfish Canyon. If you are not, and you're in Minneapplepuss, then you should go to the following, dammit:

And don't forget that Anitra is one of the major forces behind this years GNOMEFEST (6)

Border Battle-Geno Update

2009-08-17T17:07:00.003-05:00

UPDATE: GNARLY PHOTO BELOW.

photo skinnyski

Well as you can see here, Gene O was slicin' and dicin' at the WORS Border Battle. This shot was before he apparently cased a tree and wound up in the Horsepistol with a broken scapula, cracked rib, and punctured lung. Nice work, GFP, get well soon.

Kelly Mac increased her season record to 3-0 by winning the Sport Single Speed Female class. Such a stud.

Me? I blew up on the second lap but recovered enough to barge thru 4 laps to finish solidly mid-pack in the Comp Single Speed Open class. 3 weeks til the 5-0

Freeride 4 - 29, August [note the date change]

2009-08-17T10:29:00.002-05:00

Zito's at it again, and by again, I mean he's changed the date for FREERIDE 4 to Saturday, 29 August. Keep your ears to the ground for further updates.

People Get Ready...

2009-08-10T11:02:00.001-05:00

Ya' Heard?

2009-08-04T10:38:00.003-05:00

Steak dinners are on the line all over the place. Fitzay better get ready...

They're Gonna Fuck You Up...

2009-07-28T12:29:00.004-05:00

'cuz they're 4130.
This Friday night @ Big V's, along with Wizards Are Real, Dragons Power Up, and Party Ready. And how...

You Can't Handle The Truth...

2009-07-11T19:40:00.000-05:00

Great reading here.

BFF-Bicycle Film Festival: Minneapolis-July 8-12

2009-07-06T16:13:00.002-05:00

There's some hot flixxx to see this year, including I LOVE MY BICYCLE: THE STORY OF FBM BIKES, on Friday night. The whole business kicks off Wednesday night at the 501 Club with a very special ROCK SHOW, featuring KNIFEWORLD, GAY WITCH ABORTION, & NO AGE. Holy. Crap! Get ready to rumble!

Ed McMahon-R.I.P.

2009-06-23T09:26:00.002-05:00

Ladeez & Gentlemen,
doff your chapeau(s) in honor of America's Top Second Banana, Ed McMahon, who passed away today at age 86. That Budweiser blazer blows Stevil & mine's Budweiser sweater out of the water. HEY-OHHHHHHHHH!

Midwest SS Champs

2009-06-22T13:54:00.002-05:00

NOW HEAR THIS, NOW HEAR THIS...

Dirt Burger-This Weekend

2009-06-15T11:39:00.000-05:00

It's happening this weekend. Get. On. It.

Stolen Surly Long Haul Trucker + Burley Trailer

2009-06-08T12:09:00.002-05:00

Stalwart Citizen and exceptional hand model Andrew Corson sent this troublesome note this weekend. Please be on the lookout, and kneecap any motherfucker(s) who might be riding said rig:

Stolen Bike and Kids Trailer, NE MPLS
Stolen from a garage at 11XX NE 4th St, Minneapolis

Surly brand bike. Unmarked Long Haul Trucker model, with braze ons on fork, chainstay, and under down tube. Mostly black parts include XT/Alex Adventurer rims, XT deraileurs, ITM stem and drop bar, Continental Contact tires, WTB Siverado saddle, Ritchey seatpost. Silver Sugino triple crank. Bar end shifters. Black Planet Bike fenders. Black rear Surly Nice rack w/knog light attached. A black and orange Kryptonite u-lock was on the rack. The frame had non-standard “surly’ decals on the downtube and a black and white face decal on the seat tube. 2 water bottles, one plastic, one stainless steel. The frame was a prototype, no may have had no serial number (would be located on the underside of the frame, on the bottom bracket (crank axle casing).

Attached to the bike was a Burley Encore child trailer, black, yellow and blue. It had no front or rear reflectors (it did have wheel reflectors), and there were no wheel guards installed in front of the wheels on the frame. Inside were 2 glass baby bottles, a coil lock and a red target shopping bag with a pump, bicycle tube, and small tool kit. This trailer belonged to Max, and he used it all the time. This is a real bummer.

Stolen sometime Saturday night June 6/7.

Call with any info: Andy 651-373-2500

Almanzo 100 (103.5) #3 & The Big Beat

2009-05-19T13:19:00.002-05:00

Roadside carp
Originally uploaded by Thirteen Of Clubs

[w/apologies to Morrison, Manzarek, Krieger & Densmore....]

I wanna tell you about The Almanzo 100 and the Big Beat
Comes out of the Rochester gravel
Cool and slow with plenty of headwinds
With a side wind oscillating and hard to master

Some call it heavenly in it's brilliance
Others, mean and ruthful of the Almanzo dream
I love the friends I have gathered together on this 103.5 miles stretch of Minnesota gravel
We have constructed pyramids in honor of Chris Skogen
This is the land where the carp died....

Ok, enough. The 2009 Almanzo 100 was one of the longest days I've spent on a bike. Definitely the windiest. With the neutral roll-out leaving Bicycle Sports at 8:00 a.m., Kelly Mac & I were still standing in line to use the pissoir. Since Mr. Skogen was giving us the roll-out to the edge of town to avoid any red light snafus, I was able to reconnect to the front group before the first major climb. Then, as it usually happens, the "selection" was made. I was unable to hang and spent the first half of the race riding with Nick, Kevin, the dude from Badger Cycles, and eventually J.P. Nick rolled off in search of top 10 before the first check point in Chatfield. We charged out of town, turned left on Magnum Road and enjoyed some new climbs and descents that were not on last year's route.

By the "official" check point in Spring Valley it was still windy (and about to get windier). This was the only stop where riders could receive outside assistance. I grabbed my 2nd series of tulip notes and headed into the Kwik Trip for some Gatorade™, Starbucks Frappacino™, and stuffed a can of Coke™ in my jersey. Nick, who had gotten lost, pulled up as I was heading in. He took off again, solo. Kevin and E. Fresh pulled up, so J.P. and I waited for them. Along with Dennis (?-Badger) we left as a group of 5. E. Fresh rolled to the front, followed by Kevin. I was 3rd wheel, glued to Kevin's wheel. I looked up and saw that E. Fresh had rolled off the front. From that point onward he was just a carrot dangling on the horizon. Our remaining group of four tried to paceline/echelon, but it was purgatory, sometimes riding at a 45° angle due to the relentless head and side winds. Eventually, I was able to get away from the other three, and rode the majority of the final 30 miles solo, always seeing the red Amstel Bier jersey of E. Fresh just far enough away to not get caught. I finally rolled across the finish line 7:39:18 after I had started. Cold Summit beer awaited all the riders at the finish, and it was much appreciated. Kevin, Dennis, and J.P. clawed their way in 12-16 minutes after me.

While all of this was going on, Kelly Mac was hammering her stock-gearing Masi Especial fixed (48 x 16?!?) to first place in the women's division.

Chris Skogen (& crüe) deserves enormous praise for putting this event on. Not only is the race fun* as hell, the race packets are frameable art, there is free beer at the finish, and the entry fee remains an astonishing $0. I give my complete and total thanks and respect to everyone involved in this production. It is already on my calendar for 2010.

*"fun" is relative. Going into the pain cave is, in my opinion, fun.

Photos courtesy of Thirteen of Clubs

3-Speed Lunacy

2009-05-18T14:32:00.001-05:00

P1030631.JPG
Originally uploaded by Robert FacePlant

Out for a hillside ramble, Sir Trevor Lettman lunges at his object of affection, who pedals away from him, effortlessly. Many more fine photos can be seen here.

Reach Deep!

2009-05-13T14:37:00.002-05:00

Reach Deep!
Originally uploaded by Cars-R-Coffins

Tuesday is the nü Friday. It was also Kelly Mac's birthday, and as you can see here, there was a celebration. Involving beer, bourbon, Bushmills, barfing, bikes and birthday cake. She's a rad one, that Kelly Mac....

Tuesday is the Nü Friday

2009-04-29T18:57:00.001-05:00

IMG_3162
Originally uploaded by kelly_macwilliams

Tuesday evening was one of those perfect spring nights when everything aligns, and about 75 cans of beer are consumed in a garage full of bikes and heathens...

Hey Greenway Assaulters, Watch Your Fucking Backs

2009-04-22T09:25:00.003-05:00

Last night around 6:15 your group of three threw large rocks off of the 16th Ave bridge, onto the Midtown Greenway, hitting my girl Kelly Mac in the head. She wasn't wearing a helmet, but a thick fleece beanie prevented the jagged chunk of asphalt from cutting her head open. The rock broke her sunglasses, and again, fortunately, she wasn't cut. She has a terrible headache, but Mac is a tough chick, – a hell of a lot tougher than you weak pussies– and she'll be fine. But know this: if you are ever caught, found out, or busted in the act, I will slice the webbing between your fingers with a dirty razor blade and submerge your hands in buckets of lemon juice and cat piss. You will then drink the cat piss, while I pierce your eyelids with the broken syringes found in the crack-whore alley where your Moms turn tricks. The moment that rock left your hands you ceased to be human. What made you think that it would ok, cool, or funny to throw a fucking rock at another human being, especially from above, an act that could seriously injure, or even kill someone?

Ragnarök 105 - [18-April, 2009]

2009-04-20T15:40:00.004-05:00

027
Originally uploaded by morbidmtb.com

Saturday dawned early as the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse headed south & east to Red Wing for the 2nd running of the Ragnarök 105. The weather was perfect, and after a pre-race breakfast at Dirty Ron's, and reminding Hansen to "toss your piss," we adjourned to the starting area at Colville Park.

Over 60 riders showed up, including one guy who was getting married later that afternoon. (I imagine he only did half the course or he is already divorced...) Due to the large number of riders, we had a leadout vehicle, but once out of harm's way the pace quickened as a group of about 15 made the "selection" in an attempt to take valuable K.O.M. points on the first 8 climbs of the day. Beast-Rad started throwing 42x16 hammers almost immediately, and I took a few accelerations at the front to shake up the pelican. After bombing the first Minimum Maintenance Road descent, and cruising some fast gravel, there was some confusion at Grosse Point Road. The tulip notes, we were assured, were spot on, but there was a Dead End sign at the turn. Nearly everyone stopped, but B-Rad took the initiative and powered up Grosse Point on his own and had the second Min. Maintenance Road descent to himself, taking the K.O.M. points in the process. This descent would prove to be my undoing.

Not long after this teeth-rattler, The Hitman bridged up to me and we rode together briefly before I felt my front tire getting soft. We stopped, and as I replaced the tube, Nick rode past. I told Kevin to keep going with him. I pumped the tube and in an effort to get just a little more p.s.i. in, the valve stem tore. Dammit, guess I've got to use my second (and last) tube. Tore that valve stem, too. Shit, ok, I'll use the original tube as it wasn't completely flat when I removed it, just low. Fuck me, this one tore as well. The valve hole on the Salsa Delgado cross rim was mocking my every move. No patch kit could help me, now. About this time race promoter Jake Huot drives up and on the roof rack goes the Pacer, my day is done, and I'll take a ride to the first check point where I will spray beer on all of my comrades. But first, Chris Skogen rides up and offers me a tube. I graciously accept. And proceed to TEAR ANOTHER FUCKING VALVE STEM! I let out a stream of stevedoresque profanities and send the wheel airborne, when MacGuyver Skogen comes up with the brilliant idea to place a small patch from a patch kit over the valve hole. Knowing I'll be damned to pinch-flat purgatory by taking Chris' last tube, if he, in fact, flats out later in the race, I accept his gracious offer and inflate the sucker. It holds air, and we're off immediately up the switchback Wiesbusch climb, longest of the day. This whole ordeal has cost me at least 30 minutes, my legs are cramping from the sudden halt, and I spend the next 4 hours in no-man's land trying to pick off riders. By Zumbro Falls it's apparent that I'm not gaining on the leaders, nor will I see any of my teammates again until the finish line. So I down chocolate milk, coke, beef jerky and more Clif Shot Bloks than should be legal, fight my way past Millville, Lake City, and onto the penultimate climb back out of the Goodhue Valley up Lehrbach Road, a vertical swath of pea gravel that makes you beg for it, then deposits you onto Bush Road, becoming more residential as you grind back into Red Wing and charge to the finish at Colville Park. Even with the, uh, "technical difficulties," I managed to finish at 15:06 o'clock, just missing the 7.5 hour mark. Nick managed 9th overall & 2nd single speed. B-Rad was 11th/3rd single, and The Hitman right behind in 12th. A huge thanks to Chris Skogen for saving me from a DNF, and another excellent event by Jake, Issac, & Larry. The only thing missing was Rosenberg....
RAGNARÖK 105

The Ragnarök 105 Cometh

2009-04-09T18:39:00.008-05:00

Do I really have to tell you that this is on the horizon? That said, I pushed, plodded and pedaled for 85 miles today, getting a healthy dose of vitamin G. But I've got way fewer miles under ye olde belt (spare tire?) than last year, so I'm not hoping for any miracles. Maybe some nicer weather than last year's ice pelting wind jam. Either way, I've sorted out our team vehicle:

A few other events we're throwing our proverbial muscle behind are these two:

From Austin, Texass:

And our pal Dave axed us to collabo on the Heavy Cans Ride. Sounds Boss:

Let's Get Real Real Gone For a Change

2009-04-01T09:25:00.002-05:00

Great Scott, after seeing faves Split Lip Rayfield last night at the Cabooze, I'll be headed right back there on Thursday night to see my all time favorite guitarist, Gregg Ginn. And to paraphrase Hank Williams Jr., f you don't like Gregg Ginn, you can kiss my ass...

UPDATE: THE SLICK 50-2009 Edition

2009-03-18T15:34:00.001-05:00

SLICK 50 '09 [more like Slick 100k....]
GRUMPY'S TOUR DE FORCE (Arc de Tri-Grump)
Saturday, 21 March, 2009.
Breakfast? You're on your own. I'd recommend oatmeal.
12 noon: depart from Grumpy's Northeast-No Bullshit, and no, we won't wait for you.
Grumpy's(Mpls-NE)-Grumpy's(St. Bonifacius)-Grumpy's(Mpls-DT).
[Ride will finish at Grumpy's Downtown]
This is a ride, not a race. That said, it is a fast group ride. We do not "wait up." If you're not comfortable riding for 5+ hours, it could get ugly; bring your vagisil, or Bag-Balm™, or whatever you need to stay dry.
Fenders recommended.

There will be no team cars allowed...

There may be some of these...

Get ready...

Total Fucking Godhead

2009-03-06T01:49:00.001-06:00

Talking Loud, Saying Nothing.

2009-03-02T21:58:00.002-06:00

if you look closely, you can see Rosenberg stuck in traffic out there on the I-94 Parking Lot...

For Rosenberg...

2009-02-19T21:57:00.000-06:00

Do you want more?

This Country Is A Pipe Bomb

2009-02-18T08:14:00.000-06:00

Amerika the gullible...

Wrexican Update

2009-02-16T13:59:00.002-06:00

Local rock-n-roll juggernäut, Steve Post, aka: The Wrexecutioner, was the victim of a hit-and-run driver on Saturday night, somewhere in NE Mpls. [what kind of fucktard can leave another human being lying helpless in the street, after running them over? If/when found, the driver of this vehicle should have their fingernails forcefully removed with a rusty needle-nose plier, and be forced to endure Celine Dion songs for eternity...] Wrex is in good spirits, but will have to undergo surgery to fix his busted ankle. The swelling on his mug has gone down some and today he is able to open and use his right eye, which was swollen shut on Sunday. Think good thoughts for Stevie, and be careful out there.

We're The Meatmen And You Suck!

2009-02-10T12:57:00.001-06:00

Just take it.

SCIHFIRASDFCHC '09

2009-02-09T18:18:00.002-06:00

Now you know....

R.I.P. Lux Interior

2009-02-04T20:38:00.005-06:00

Do you want the real thing or are you just talk?

OK, Moving On.

2009-01-25T23:06:00.012-06:00

Me and my XO-1 have had some amazing rides. True to it's "all-rounder" form, this Bridgestone classic has seen action as a mountain bike over much of the Midwest, as well as in Sweden and Scotland for SSWC's 2006 & 2007, and also as a touring bike across Cambodia & Vietnam. When my old laptop was stolen a few years ago, I lost several pictures of the orange bike in action. Guess I'll just have to take it on some more adventures. In the meantime, there are some cool rides and such, found over here, at another XO-1. (Kostman, if you've got a problem with this link, you can let me know here: hurl[at]carsrcoffins.com)

Don't forget this, or this. There's also this.

Currently in heavy rotation at the Bike Satan Compound:

Just For You, LFOAB...

2009-01-23T10:56:00.001-06:00

Bilenky Junkyard Cross Race-Hell yeah!

2009-01-20T15:47:00.001-06:00

VIMBY - Bilenky Junk Yard Race

It's Going to Be a Great Year...

2009-01-07T13:02:00.004-06:00

Started Tuesday morning's commute off with a broken crankarm, and this is always a harbinger of good fortune. But let''s backtrack a little bit...

Spent a week in beautiful California over the Xmess hollowdaze w/the Donut Queen. Got down to Satan Cruz for a dirtbike ride w/The Mayor, The Author, & The Complayna. I had the honor of riding this slicked back Retrotec.

Our tour guide, Stevil von Kinevil, admiring the local fauna...

Post-ride, refreshments were procured from Stevil's temperature-controlled apartment...

Later, Stevil impressed us all with his mad Townie skillz. Foot-forward is the new fixed-gear.

You Can Thank Me Later

2008-12-23T11:52:00.002-06:00

Or in Snakebite's case, much later...

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds- More News From Nowhere

2008-12-09T15:10:00.002-06:00

Posenberg, you don't have an original bone in your body...

Nick Cave - Bring It On

2008-12-08T13:28:00.001-06:00

Rosenberg, you don't stand a chance...

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds- 15 Feet of Pure White Snow

2008-12-02T15:34:00.001-06:00

Fuck you, Moonshine....

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds- Do You Love Me? [Large Fella? Do ya?]

2008-11-26T08:47:00.003-06:00

Shout outs to Beavertron...

PJ Harvey-To Bring You My Love (Solo 2007)

2008-11-20T11:29:00.001-06:00

Bring it.

PJ Harvey-Shame (Live)

2008-11-19T10:06:00.001-06:00

"I'd jump for you into the fire..."

PJ Harvey- Dress (Live 2003)

2008-11-18T10:58:00.000-06:00

God Damn.

PJ Harvey & Nick Cave- Henry Lee

2008-11-14T16:06:00.000-06:00

holy smoldering sexy...

Minneapolis Premier of MACAFRAMA-Saturday, 15 November-Oak St. Cinema

2008-11-12T12:17:00.005-06:00

Come out this Saturday afternoon, (after the State Cross Race, natch) and see some rad fixster trixster riding.

We Gotta Black President So Step Back!

2008-11-05T22:13:00.004-06:00

Howya like me now, Rosenberg?

The International Order of the Water Buffalo Present: HOMIE FALL FESTUS 2008

2008-10-23T15:53:00.004-05:00

Nobody in particular has announced the date, 1 November. Come one, come all. Unless the below sign applies to you...

MILWAUKEE!

2008-10-22T13:38:00.004-05:00

Five dudes, nine bikes, -including four Surly Pugsleys-, and Parkin's truck departed Minneapolis on 16-October.

Pugsley wheel nearly as big as a Chevy Silverado: LIKE A ROCK!

Trevor shreds the Lake Michigan shoreline.

Post-Biketoberfest, Cobra Commander on the jetty.

Jamos Bar & the 3 of the Retarded Dingos.

to be contd...

BIKETOBERFESTEN!

2008-10-10T21:48:00.001-05:00

Now wutcha all playaz know about that?!?! Zitox's 40th B-day celebration, Pugsley's, Big Dummies (the 612 crüe, that is), Fuel Cafe, Jamo's. Promises to be mental, that's all I know for certain...

Role Reversal

2008-10-07T21:41:00.002-05:00

Did you just see that shit? Obama vs. McCain debate. The ladies are wearing red & blue dresses. Red for Michelle Obama, blue for Cindy McCain. Fucking scripted, right? Whatever. Hollywood's bachelorette party tonight at the MOTLEY TUESDAY REUNION over at Spring Street. Don't think about it; DO IT!

Action Recap Beatdown

2008-09-10T11:39:00.008-05:00

After 3 straight weekends of hotte racing action, {NAPA/DAKOTA 5-0/RAPHA GENTLEMENS' RACE] I'm can only say one thing. Thank hell it's almost 'cross season.

SSWC '08-NAPA, CA
23-24 AUG. 2008

Holy craptastic, where should I start? Day 1 and a delayed flight had us into SFO just in time to miss the Sycip open house, so drive off to Napa, with B.Rose at the wheel. Find the rental house on Main St. in Napa, just in time to drink a bunch of beer with 17 other Midwestern degenerates and a few Colorado interlopers. Late night visitors from Ohio, SLC, & The U.K.
Day 2. Everyone in the house rallys for the hour drive to Fairfax for the Soulcraft group ride.

Carl Decker from Giant rode a "custom" coaster-brake. A pal machines the oversize aluminum shell for heat dissipation, but the guts are from an $8 Shimano coaster-brake.

Our "Squadra" of boozehounds stumble in at the last minute for sweet cruise up and around Tamarancho and Pine Mountain. All kinds of one speeders were waiting in the parking lot of the Java Hut. We took off up the trail.

That night we went to Kirby Cove to meet the American Cyclery Group ride, coming over the Golden Gate Bridge. Up and over the fog swirled gravel access road to the cove meant an exact opposite return grind was in the wings.

Saturday morning meant wake up late then ride to Skyline to preview the course. KMac & I made the 15 minute ride from our rental house and proceeded to find a whole bunch of ss cretins milling about. A perfunctory pre-ride showed that Curtis Inglis & Co. meant business! The course featured monster climbs, fast rolling meadows, and singletrack switchbacks through the trees, technical monolithic rocks set in preposterous spots in corners, descents, and at the entrance and exit of stream crossings. A slab of rock went up, up, up, like an escalator which I don't think anyone would be able to ride, race-day or not. One lap was enough, then it was back to the start/finish/registration area, where the organizers announced that the Decider for the 2009 SSWC would be held at the Napa Bowling Lanes in approximately 1.5 hours at 6:00pm. Four contingents stepped forward to stake their claim: France, Durango, Phoenix, and New Zealand by proxy, via Fuzzy.

The French are not very good bowlers, neither is Phoenix. The field was whittled to two: Durango vs. New Zealand. The final decision would be rendered by a rousing game of Ms. Pac-Man. Durango destroyed the comp, and well, better start planning your trip to the site of the original Mountain Bike World Championship (1990, natch) now. More drinks were spilled and then it was home to get some rest for Sunday's main event.

Starting at the humane hour of 10:00 am meant that race-morning rituals could be performed a little less hurriedly. After downing some oatmeal, eggs & bacon, I rode to Skyline, pinned my number, and waited around with all the other stooges for the starting instructions from Curtis. 21 people who hadn't been able to, or missed the boat on pre-registering, but still wanted in, lined up toe-to-toe for 20 vacant spots. Curtis told all assembled that if they wanted in the race, they would have to sprint down and around the horse corral then back. 21 people, 20 vacant spots. GO! off they sprinted in a mad foot race around the corral. Meanwhile Curtis announced that they all would get in, he just wanted to make them all run. Sweet. Pretty soon after that debacle, Napa's sexiest framebuilder in Lederhosen told us to place our bikes in that field, wayyyyyy down the road, then trudge back up past the horse corral. Nearly 400 riders complied and lined up for the traditional LeMans Start.

Mayhem ensued. People running every which way, trying to find their bikes. On the opening climb, it was a mass of grinding singles, and it looked and felt like a World Cup. I've never been in a race with that many riders. Insane. The climb strung it out and the heck-tators were in full force. An opening loop technical salvo was required, and at the junction where you would turn, only on this first "parade" lap was a bagpipe player serenading the sufferers. Truly a classy touch for what would prove to be an epic day.It was hot, dusty, and crowded. I got caught behind some squirrely riders and tried to make a pass on a rocky downhill turn. Ended up in a patch of what I was certain would be poison oak, unable to unclip from my left pedal. I flopped around like a crappy out of water for awhile, and what seemed like 1000 riders stormed past me. Dammit, Bobby! Finally got going again, Cheever passed me just before the stream crossing and was there to heckle when I came through. I didn't want to stop just yet, and Cheever let me have it: "Why are you LOSING so hard?!?!" I didn't pause to reply as the breathing was labored at this point, and big climbs loomed ahead.

Made it through the first lap, stopped for a water bottle refill as I had jettisoned one on the descent, and took off for another lap of pain. Caught sight of the Mayor of Drunkingham on this lap in a rockpile descent from hell, and when I saw him taking it easy due to some nagging wrist problems, I made the pass. Punched it from then on (well, as much as I could possibly "punch it" due to my anaerobic state) stayed upright in the rocky switchbacks, then had a graceful dismount as I basically fell over my handlebars trying to wind through a volkswagen-sized rock. Back on it, made it to the start/finish for the final push of lap 3. The Brits were offering beer, and when I initially declined, Sara gave me a bollocking so down the neck it went. As I was refilling my water bottle I saw Stevil go through on the start of his 3rd lap. I took off and marked him, constantly around 250 yards in front of me. Eventually, I caught and passed him in the same spot, then abruptly stalled on the outside of some huge rock, eliciting mock protests from Stevil and those behind me. "How you going to pull that shit on a teammate?" hollered the Mayor. Got rolling yet again, and from there it was a battle of survival. I rolled through the finish, and was handed a red anodized Paragon Machine Works bottle opener, stating that I was, in fact, the 174th fastest single speeder in the world! Harumph.

CD lookin' tough after the pre-ride.

Ben Thornton from Texas. Raced the whole day in that mask. Hard as nails.

Damo from Australia brings the Dance Party Disco to SSWC every year. Here, he gets dowwwn with our very own nutter, Girl Shawn. Always bringing the smiles!

Catboxx came out of retirement to roost the singletrack.

[west-coast]Hollywood, lookin' good!

A Dog In A Hat

2008-09-05T09:55:00.003-05:00

Hey Foxes, get dowwwn to One On One Bicycle Studio this Saturday night for a book signing and belgian bier drinking bonanza, with one of Basil Hayden's very own: Joe Parkin, who is releasing his new book on Velo Press, A Dog In A Hat-An American Bike Racer's Story of Mud, Drugs, Blood, Betrayal, and Beauty in Belgium.

BMX in the Olympics

2008-08-19T22:54:00.003-05:00

Tonight and tonight only, the Minnesota Faction is hosting an Olympic BMX Party, at Champs on Lake Street. Do it. RIDERS READY? WATCH THE LIGHTS!

Dakota 5-0 Is Just 3 1/2 Weeks Out...

2008-08-08T12:40:00.001-05:00

and if the last two Thursday nights at Buck Hill are any indication, I am going to be in the pain locker, early and often.

Oi Oi Oi!

2008-07-23T10:36:00.001-05:00

A pox on you, if you fail to register in time for the Lake Pepin 3-Speed Tour, 2009 edition. Spots are filling up quickly. Goodluck and Godspeed!

What Dave Said...

2008-07-17T21:55:00.001-05:00

Check it out.

Brapper Dan for President

2008-06-18T11:32:00.002-05:00

Carl's bike is back! Read all about it.

Stolen Surly Steamroller RECOVERED!

2008-06-15T22:09:00.005-05:00

Girl Carl's bike was jacked tonight between 5-7pm from her 3rd floor balcony in Nordeast. Keep an eye out. Some distinguishing marks: White WTB Deva saddle, Nitto bars. Pedals look like horseshoes and are made by MKS. While you're at it, also be on the lookout for a black Surly Cross-Check, liberated from John "The Heathen" Schreiner, of Stroker Ace Screenprinting. Bike in question is a 54cm, has metallic blue Fizik bar tape, and a dent in the top tube. Keep an eye on your rides, people. And remember: They still hang bike thieves in Wyoming....

Almanzo 100 #2 in the books

2008-05-19T18:16:00.003-05:00

Well, another hell-ride it was. Some heavy hitters showed up on the start line, and the opening pace was blistering. I held on as long as a I could, lost contact after the first town, St. Charles, and clawed may way to the finish some 6:28 later. I accomplished my goal of a top 10 finish, so I'm satisfied. Big thanks to Chris Skogen for another stellar event. thanks to Mark E, Kevin, Nick, Sascha, Nick's brother Chris for putting us up, (or putting up with us?) Andy from Peace Coffee for towing me out of Chatfield, and everyone involved. A great event with great people. Real scenic, too. Here's a map of the course.

Does Anyone Really Care if a few Scofflaws are running stop signs on their bikes?

2008-04-30T11:48:00.000-05:00

Dumb as We Wanna Be

By THOMAS L. FRIEDMAN
Published: April 30, 2008

It is great to see that we finally have some national unity on energy policy. Unfortunately, the unifying idea is so ridiculous, so unworthy of the people aspiring to lead our nation, it takes your breath away. Hillary Clinton has decided to line up with John McCain in pushing to suspend the federal excise tax on gasoline, 18.4 cents a gallon, for this summer’s travel season. This is not an energy policy. This is money laundering: we borrow money from China and ship it to Saudi Arabia and take a little cut for ourselves as it goes through our gas tanks. What a way to build our country.

When the summer is over, we will have increased our debt to China, increased our transfer of wealth to Saudi Arabia and increased our contribution to global warming for our kids to inherit.

No, no, no, we’ll just get the money by taxing Big Oil, says Mrs. Clinton. Even if you could do that, what a terrible way to spend precious tax dollars — burning it up on the way to the beach rather than on innovation?

The McCain-Clinton gas holiday proposal is a perfect example of what energy expert Peter Schwartz of Global Business Network describes as the true American energy policy today: “Maximize demand, minimize supply and buy the rest from the people who hate us the most.”

Good for Barack Obama for resisting this shameful pandering.

But here’s what’s scary: our problem is so much worse than you think. We have no energy strategy. If you are going to use tax policy to shape energy strategy then you want to raise taxes on the things you want to discourage — gasoline consumption and gas-guzzling cars — and you want to lower taxes on the things you want to encourage — new, renewable energy technologies. We are doing just the opposite.

Are you sitting down?

Few Americans know it, but for almost a year now, Congress has been bickering over whether and how to renew the investment tax credit to stimulate investment in solar energy and the production tax credit to encourage investment in wind energy. The bickering has been so poisonous that when Congress passed the 2007 energy bill last December, it failed to extend any stimulus for wind and solar energy production. Oil and gas kept all their credits, but those for wind and solar have been left to expire this December. I am not making this up. At a time when we should be throwing everything into clean power innovation, we are squabbling over pennies.

These credits are critical because they ensure that if oil prices slip back down again — which often happens — investments in wind and solar would still be profitable. That’s how you launch a new energy technology and help it achieve scale, so it can compete without subsidies.

The Democrats wanted the wind and solar credits to be paid for by taking away tax credits from the oil industry. President Bush said he would veto that. Neither side would back down, and Mr. Bush — showing not one iota of leadership — refused to get all the adults together in a room and work out a compromise. Stalemate. Meanwhile, Germany has a 20-year solar incentive program; Japan 12 years. Ours, at best, run two years.

“It’s a disaster,” says Michael Polsky, founder of Invenergy, one of the biggest wind-power developers in America. “Wind is a very capital-intensive industry, and financial institutions are not ready to take ‘Congressional risk.’ They say if you don’t get the [production tax credit] we will not lend you the money to buy more turbines and build projects.”

It is also alarming, says Rhone Resch, the president of the Solar Energy Industries Association, that the U.S. has reached a point “where the priorities of Congress could become so distorted by politics” that it would turn its back on the next great global industry — clean power — “but that’s exactly what is happening.” If the wind and solar credits expire, said Resch, the impact in just 2009 would be more than 100,000 jobs either lost or not created in these industries, and $20 billion worth of investments that won’t be made.

While all the presidential candidates were railing about lost manufacturing jobs in Ohio, no one noticed that America’s premier solar company, First Solar, from Toledo, Ohio, was opening its newest factory in the former East Germany — 540 high-paying engineering jobs — because Germany has created a booming solar market and America has not.

In 1997, said Resch, America was the leader in solar energy technology, with 40 percent of global solar production. “Last year, we were less than 8 percent, and even most of that was manufacturing for overseas markets.”

The McCain-Clinton proposal is a reminder to me that the biggest energy crisis we have in our country today is the energy to be serious — the energy to do big things in a sustained, focused and intelligent way. We are in the midst of a national political brownout.